Four Styles of J-Music NO ONE Takes Seriously

So, here’s a rather mean-spirited post. I’m just bitter because I jinxed another good Visual Kei band so I figured I would take my wrath towards myself out on everyone who reads my blog. Not really. This post is only made jokingly. I really don’t mean (most of) it so please don’t take it personally!

Here are four styles of Japanese music that are so laughably terrible to nearly everyone who has the misfortune of hearing it.

Oshare Kei

Paradeis, The Worst "Band" Since Nickelback/Theory of a Deadman

Something about oshare kei makes me feel like some kind of magical bulimic princess in a land of bull crap, like I’m vomiting rainbows and bleeding caramel from my eye sockets and prancing in fields of stupid with an imbecile unicorn named Sherman. I don’t get the appeal of this stuff and I never will. It’s not cute, guys. It’s gross and I see it in my sleep. Oshare Kei is probably the thing I hate second-most in the world. (This is what I hate most. Ughhhhh.)

When Every Artist EVER Dabbles in Techno

One of these things is not like the others... One of these things just doesn't belong..

J-tek music has become wildly popular ever since Yasutaka Nakata took over the world came to prominence. I think a lot of artists took advantage of the techno wave, including GACKT. It’s tough to look at the guy who kicked massive amounts of buttocks as the vampire-clad vocalist of Malice Mizer years ago cranking out DDR tunes ten years later. Don’t get me wrong, I love Koakuma Heaven, but I’ve heard so many people bash the song just because it’s so out of GACKT’s normal realm of music. News flash, kiddos. GACKT has no normal realm of music. He tries a little of everything; that’s why we love him. Duh.

Girls Who Shouldn’t Act Gangster Deciding to Act Gangster


Kuu. Stop. Now.

Whatever Crap misono Puts Out

Please stop looking at me.

The reject Koda sister gets slammed constantly. So let me slam her some more! Misono has absolutely zero talent as far as voice, charisma, and all-around decency as a human being goes. I cannot stand her music.

Hope you enjoyed this sarcasm-laden post! Remember that none of it is meant to offend anyone, it’s all joking, even if I do hate misono and Oshare Kei. Ehehe. Just gotta toss the disclaimers out there anyway, just to be nice.




Filed under Sakurayume's Collection, Special Articles

23 responses to “Four Styles of J-Music NO ONE Takes Seriously

  1. I enjoy slamming misono as much as the next guy, but her new album is actually pretty decent, and if you don’t enjoy

    then you need to get your ears checked (lol I joke, I joke! Sorta…).

  2. lol nice post, I don’t like Oshare Kei either xD but for some weird reason I can’t stop listening to that on PV from LILT. I don’t really like it, but for what ever reason it is mesmerizing O_O

  3. As an upstanding, at least somewhat respectable member of the Jrock community, I can’t agree publicly with anything you said in your post. I can, however, tactfully hint at the fact that I have been waiting my whole life for someone to make that remark about Oshare-kei, and you satisfied my sadistic need for retribution with painful sarcasm, brutal humor, and got it all spot-on.
    This: “It’s gross and I see it in my sleep.” has to be one of my favorite statements on your blog so far — as contextually dependent as it is, so it stands.

  4. And I forgot to mention – your post was QUITE funny, and I rarely use capitalized adjectives, so there you have it.
    It was also well-written, and although very, erm, honest, that’s what I enjoyed about it.

    Take it easy, and keep up the good work.

    • Sweet! A capitalized adjective! I’m glad you enjoyed the post. I’ve had a stressful week, so I figured I’d let loose by making myself (and everyone else) laugh. I’m flattered that you liked this so well. I don’t know, it just means a lot more coming from you. Thanks. 😉

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  6. I actually got lost in oshare-kei-youtube-land the other day and I saw some truly rainbow-brite-on-acid frightening stuff…(the my little pony hair band in that top picture looks familiar..*shudder*)

    That being said…I do enjoy Love Scream Party…and now Lilt’s Party Mary is stuck in my head again thanks to Toshi San. ;P

    • I haven’t heard that song before and now I’m certain I don’t want to. It seems to have unfathomable addicting qualities. If you ever get lost in Oshare Kei Youtube Heck again, just call on gacktpause or myself. We’ll pull you out.

  7. Oh man what to say…1. Oshare-Kei is pretty weird and colorful stuffs to listen to. I’m lucky that I only have Mix Speaker’s, Inc. on my blog that’s there…Iono…maybe i should add more XD jk jk. 2. Yeah GACKT really shocked me with Koakuma Heaven but his other synthy songs off the top of my head (Dybbuk & GHOST) are pretty cool. 3. Meh, it’s Kuu 4. I’ve followed misono since her start with day after tomorrow and I agree she’s gotten vocally worse since then. Like Itazura na KISS to “xxxSuki…” is so dramatically different sounding it makes me cry

  8. Never heard of Oshare Kei, but I’ll heed your warnings and stay away

    I hope that isn’t the REAL cover for GACKT! Also, you all talk about GACKT so much it makes me curious. Someday soon I’ll have to sit down and get more personal with the guy’s music; mostly likely through PV’s.

    I though Kingdom was a great album and then Trick came and was confusingly odd. haha. Since then I don’t feel Kuu’s done much that I like.

    misono? …let me go find my hammer de smiting…

  9. Oshare kei? They look pretty interesting, but judging by the picture, it almost seems like they could really get a pill to stop pooping some rainbows @.@

    My brother listens to GACKT so I don’t really know what to say.

    Kuu’s music has been going downhill for a while…

    hmm…. I still need to check out misono’s new album… I personally don’t like her music (and vocals) that much but since her debut, her vocals have been getting worst and worst…

  10. Koda Kumi trying to act gangster doesn’t work at all with her current image, but it somewhat worked in 2006.

  11. Jin

    Loooved this post~ xD Sarcasm on teh internetz is win. :\ Is the one on the bottom-left a guy? >_<

  12. elfwitch

    i agree with you 100% with the techno–gangsta kuu is ok as long as she doesn’t do another blingblingbling or something with fergie, please. i also agree with you on misono, just no, though vs is actually the only song by her i like. the kei is just weird, lol.

  13. Yes, Bling Bling is a terrible song. Along with That Ain’t Cool, could’ve been much better for one.

    Why does everyone dislike misono so much in the J-Pop world? I’m not bothered about her but I hear a lot of people don’t seem to like her.

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